Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Dear God (totally channeling my inner Celie),

My 37th birthday is right around the corner.  As you know, I enjoy OTHER people's birthdays more than mine.  I think it is due to all of those years of joint birthday parties with my younger sister.  I didn't have a problem with sharing the spotlight with her...more often than not, I would have preferred attending her party as opposed to being the focus of mine. 

A few years ago, we shared our birthday party Rapids Water Park.  As a "person of size", water parks provide an all-day reminder that a beached whale is a closer cousin to me than a minnow.  After spending most of the day on the lazy river and in the wave pool, I begrudgingly agreed to go on one of the slides. 

As a "person of size", I am very aware of the scales at the top of these water slides.  If you are not familiar, most of the rides at a water park have a weight limit.  Personally, I am not offended by this discriminatory practice because it gives me a great excuse to float along in the lazy river all day.  In fact, I saw several people in my party who thought they might lose that extra weight in the 3-story climb to the top of slide, only to be screened by the in-shape lifeguard, then sent to the scale which dings like that carnival game with the over-sized hammer is you exceed the weight limit, and then forced to do the walk of shame back down the stairs.

Leave it to Rapids to have a water slide with no weight limit.  I was a trooper...I climbed the stairs...I went down the slide like a missile...I received a standing ovation from all of the spectators...Everyone cheers for Shamu once he/she has completed a trick.

When it was all over, I said never again.  Later that week (as an extra bonus), I got pink eye for the first time in my life.  Yes, it was a birthday to remember.  Let's hope this year's celebration is dry and disease-free.


No comments:

Post a Comment